Accepting Setbacks
The recovery way is never easy. We seem to do well for a while, and then suddenly the rug is pulled out from under us. What might have been easy yesterday is hard today. Just when we cosidered that we were finally getting better, those all-too-familiar feelings of profound anxiety or panic seem to come out of nowhere. Our self-talk reverts to Oh, no, not again! I’m never going to obtain over this! I’m right back where I started! Along with having feelings of failure and discouragement, we’re consumed with the fear that we are in a continuous cycle of being out of control and there is nothing we can do about it. The fear of being out of control is a particularly irritating part of setbacks. Not only do we feel extremely vulnerable, but the what-ifs abound: What if this sets in for good? What if it continues to obtain worse? And so on. We try difficult to remove the catastrophic thoughts. Our inclinations is to hang on tight, stay in control, and hold our ground to avoid backtracking. What might be useful at this point, however, is to do just the opposite: give ourselves permission not to be in control, and even to lose some ground if necessary. It will aid if we remind ourselves that in spite of a feeling of losing ground, we will not go back to square one and we are still making progress. The truth is, we never really go back to where we started; it only seems that technique because we’ve had a short reprieve and felt like a “regular” person again. And now the situation seems worse by comparison. Besides, how can we possibly go back to square one when we’ve learned so much about our problem and how to deal with it? Our perception is start to change, and it can never be quite the same as it was when we first started sustaining panic attacks. It helps to know that there are factors for setbacks. Usually they signal the need to slow down. On days when we’re feeling wonderful and we’re able to obtain out to do some of the things we haven’t been able to do for a while, we tend to over do it, which leaves us feeling depleted. Also, when all has gone well for a while, our expectations go up and we might tell ourselves, Well I did this last week and had no problem. This should be a piece of cake. When we have such high expectations and do not enable for any discomfort, the least sign of a symptom can throw us into a whirlwind or anxiety or panic. Whether we leave or stay matters little. We feel as though we’ve failed once again, and the feeling of being out of control becomes demoralizing. How we perceive or interpret our setbacks can make a difference in how troublesome they are or how long they last. Seeing them as isolated events rather than continuous chain reactions can aid take away some of the fear that they are setting in for good. Our self-talk might be, This is today. It has no bearing on what will happen tomorrow, or This too shall pass. We might wish to remind ourselves that setbacks are a common and important part of our recovery. We might even observe them as opportunities for continued practice in working via the anxiety or panic attacks. The more we practice being permissive of the panic feelings, the less frightening they become and the more confidence we gain in working with them. We have learned to frighten ourselves. It will take time to relearn a new kind of inner dialogue, one that is reassuring and supportive. As we approach each new plateau, we can remind ourselves that the setback is a progression period that allows us to make continued progress. Listening To Our Inner Dialogue: Nonacceptance/Acceptance Setbacks are normal. They are opportunities to practice dealing with hard situations. Since it’s unachievable to obtain well without setbacks, it’s necessary that we have them. But when we do have them, it feels as if we’re back to square one. In reality, setbacks are preludes to progressive phases. When we have setbacks, it helps if we let them be, not trying so difficult to obtain rid of them or control them, but letting them take their natural course. Before we know it, they subside, and we are on our technique to making more progress. Crap-talk: Nonacceptance Good-talk: Acceptance 1. I’m never going to obtain over this. I’m right back where I started! 1. This gets better, but it takes time. It helps if I can try to accept that. Although it may seem like I’m back to where I started, I am making progress. 2. I can’t afford to have this problem anymore. It has to stop right now! 2. Telling myself that it has to stop only makes matters worse. It’s better to try to enable the anxiety to take its course. 3. Enough of this! I just can’t take this anymore! 3. It’s going to happen whether I want it to or not. It helps if I try to accept that. 4. I’m always going to be this way! 4. I’ll try to be open to the cosidered that it might be this technique for a long time. But it will improve. 5. I’ve just got to be normal! 5. What is normal? Everyone has some kind of problem. Mine is having a hard time dealing with unmanageable fear or panic attacks. 6. Why can’t this problem just go away and never come back? 6. This isn’t just coming from out of the blue. There’s a reason why I’m having these feelings. It might aid if I slow down or probably take a look at what’s happening in my life that keeps me anxious. Lifestyle Awareness: Giving Ourselves the Freedom to Fail We are concious that we have a hard time dealing with failure, seeing it as further proof of low self-worth. It will aid if we give ourselves the freedom to fail, considering it an opportunity for growth. Raising Our Level of Awareness 1. Our high standards of perfectionism do not readily enable for failure. We tend to observe it as further evidence of our inadequacies or defectiveness. We have to succeed at work, we have to be ideal parents, we must even excel at our hobbies. 1. It will aid to generate the thought, I don’t have to succeed, and if I fail, that would provide me with a valuable learning experience. 2. We tend to associate our self-worth with how well we perform. Rather than feeling bad about ourselves, we select not to perform at all. 2. We might try to remind ourselves that anybody can feel wonderful when he or she does well. The real challenge is to feel all right about ourselves when we don’t do well. 3. Our fear of failure can keep us from taking dangers and doing the things that we really want to do in life. 3. We will try to take more risks, allowing ourselves the freedom to fail, seeing it an opportunity for growth. We might even imagine the worst that could happen and then enable for that possibility. Setbacks can be alarming, but it will aid if we try to accept them. |
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